im so mad. out of all the universes we coulda got put in, we got stuck in the domestic/highschool au
- me at home: i've been wearing the same jeans and band shirt for the last three weeks but it still smells alright so i'll keep wearing it
- me going away: I NEED ONE SHIRT FOR EACH DAY AND EXTRA IN CASE IT GETS DIRTY AND THE SAME AMOUNT OF JEANS AND SOCKS ACTUALLY NO I'LL NEED EXTRA SOCKS IN CASE IT FLOODS AND DOUBLE THE UNDERWEAR IN CASE OF DISASTER AND ONE NICE OUTFIT IN CASE I GET INVITED TO TEA WITH THE QUEEN
okay today i learned that apparently the penis has a say in whether or not a child will be a boy or a girl
female sperm swims slower than male sperm, but the males can’t swim for as long as the females. this means that a long penis will be closer to the egg when releasing the sperm, and there will be a higher chance for the child to be a boy.
so in conclusion
if you have a lot of sons you have a big dick
THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE POST
"nerd" and"loser" were like hard hitting insults in the early 2000’s and now they are used as affectionate terms we have truly come full circle
Sorry, but no, we did a 180. A full circle would mean we went back to them as insults
one time i came off anesthetics in the hospital and i convinced myself that i didn’t exist outside of the internet and when they tried to get me to drink something i screamed ‘i’m just a blog’ at them and they made my mom come calm me down and for some reason they filled up a rubber glove with warm water to help with something idk but the nurse gave it to me and said ‘this is your boyfriend now’ and when they took it away i started crying
what the fuck
raise your hand if you’re tired and sad and wanna make out with a girl
y’all getting really specific like “where are all the indie boys with messy shoulder length brown hair and blue eyes who are between 6’ and 6’4 whose favourite vampire weekend album is contra but knows mvotc is their best album and drinks their coffee black with 3.2 sugars and smokes cheap cigarettes on a balcony at 2:23 am” like….. chill
just gonna say this: if someone has social anxiety and they ask you something akin to ‘are you mad at me’ or ‘do you hate me’, it isn’t because they don’t trust you, it’s because their brain literally tells them that all the time
it’s not a personal slight, it’s insecurity caused by mental illness
Sorcerer: We just fought off a regenerating forest spirit and a goblin that kept backstabbing us, and we did it with style. Now, you’re telling me we almost all died to four boars?!
DM: They rolled REALLY well.