harblkun:

bowtais-are-cool:

bowtais-are-cool:

Hello! My baby!

image

Hello! My honey!

image

Hello! My ragtime gOOD LORD HOLY FUCKING SHIT

image

image

Oh my god

this is the most accurate representation of working in 3D I have ever seen

themetaisawesome:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

penis-hilton:

same

I’m convinced that all these posts were made by Draco Malfoy

Ditto

little-smartass:

whenever I watch spock’s “live long and go fuck yourselves” scene in the first reboot movie I mourn the fact that kirk wasn’t present because his reaction would have been gold like can we have an au where he was and is just there in the background like

image

buttschmidts:

buttschmidts:

buttschmidts:

Do you want to know what real procrastination is?

I can’t do algebra, so in one hour I have taught myself morse code, and I have spent the last ten minuets writing the lyrics to Pompeii fluently in morse

image

../.— .- …/-. —- -/.-.. -.— .. -. —.

I am the procratination QUEEN

i did not learn morse in less than an hour for 16 notes

silohouettes:

clestroying:

fffcuk:

fffcuk:

my mom spent $9,360 on my private tumbling lessons in one year lmao

tumbling like gymnastics i did not get blogging lessons

Well you need them

image

pansoph:

pansoph:

i went to a party and put 3 whole loaves of sliced bread all around the house i put bread under the kid’s pillow and in all 3 of his bathrooms, in his rugby shorts and the breast pocket of his school shirt, on his roof and his neighbor’s roof, in his couch and on his tv i’m laughing so hard he’s going to wake up hungover tomorrow and be like why the fuck is there bread everywhere 

image

i’m pissing myself

monobeartheater:

verylittlebird:

a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

what the fuck

foxalpha:

falstafff:

i don’t understand why people don’t instantly respond to “what would your dream superpower be” with the ability to manipulate probability.
think about it. what’s the chance someone will drop 1mil in front of me? 0%? let’s make that 100%. what’s the probability i’ll wake up tomorrow and be X gender? 100%. what’s the probability my bathtub is filled with mac and cheese? 100%.

as a casino employee I can confirm this would be terrifying as fuck

lizziemcganja:

friend: i’m getting mcdonalds you want anything?

me: i don’t have money

friend: it’s all good, i’ll pay

me:

image

image

happiestbackslider:

yungmickjagger:

tumblr user: CAN *gif* WE *gif* JUST *gif* TALK *gif* ABOUT *gif* THIS *gif* FOR *gif* A *gif* MOMENT *gif* *gif *gif*

me: Chill

i don’t *gif* understand *gif* your accent *gif *gif*

misha-dmitri-t-krushnic-collins:

pivotalwolf:

anorie:

lotrlockedwhovian:

baara:

the lady behind the counter asked how much whipped cream I wanted and I asked for a shit ton and then she came back with this

We now know the exact amount of shit ton, thank you for your contribution

#Excellent customer service

I used to work at Dunkin and I swear you would do things like this on peoples ridiculous requests and it either got a chuckle and a thank you… Or they bitched you out for being a smart ass.
Example: one time a dude asked for heavy cream so my cashier asked how white they wanted the coffee and they said make it purple. So I went to the decoration area and got flavorless food dye and made it purple. Never had a dude laugh harder in my life

this woukd have made me so happy

misha-dmitri-t-krushnic-collins:

pivotalwolf:

anorie:

lotrlockedwhovian:

baara:

the lady behind the counter asked how much whipped cream I wanted and I asked for a shit ton and then she came back with this

We now know the exact amount of shit ton, thank you for your contribution

I used to work at Dunkin and I swear you would do things like this on peoples ridiculous requests and it either got a chuckle and a thank you… Or they bitched you out for being a smart ass.

Example: one time a dude asked for heavy cream so my cashier asked how white they wanted the coffee and they said make it purple. So I went to the decoration area and got flavorless food dye and made it purple. Never had a dude laugh harder in my life

this woukd have made me so happy

whitemagebecky:

I can never get enough of this

stoleyogirl:

when everybody in yo squad talkin and the teacher call you out

image

loliphilosophy:

time to watch anime to fill the void in my life

1 2 3 4 5