Hello! My baby!
Hello! My honey!
Hello! My ragtime gOOD LORD HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh my god
this is the most accurate representation of working in 3D I have ever seen
whenever I watch spock’s “live long and go fuck yourselves” scene in the first reboot movie I mourn the fact that kirk wasn’t present because his reaction would have been gold like can we have an au where he was and is just there in the background like
Do you want to know what real procrastination is?
I can’t do algebra, so in one hour I have taught myself morse code, and I have spent the last ten minuets writing the lyrics to Pompeii fluently in morse
../.— .- …/-. —- -/.-.. -.— .. -. —.
I am the procratination QUEEN
i did not learn morse in less than an hour for 16 notes
my mom spent $9,360 on my private tumbling lessons in one year lmao
tumbling like gymnastics i did not get blogging lessons
Well you need them
i went to a party and put 3 whole loaves of sliced bread all around the house i put bread under the kid’s pillow and in all 3 of his bathrooms, in his rugby shorts and the breast pocket of his school shirt, on his roof and his neighbor’s roof, in his couch and on his tv i’m laughing so hard he’s going to wake up hungover tomorrow and be like why the fuck is there bread everywhere
i’m pissing myself
a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.
what the fuck
i don’t understand why people don’t instantly respond to “what would your dream superpower be” with the ability to manipulate probability.
think about it. what’s the chance someone will drop 1mil in front of me? 0%? let’s make that 100%. what’s the probability i’ll wake up tomorrow and be X gender? 100%. what’s the probability my bathtub is filled with mac and cheese? 100%.
as a casino employee I can confirm this would be terrifying as fuck
friend: i’m getting mcdonalds you want anything?
me: i don’t have money
friend: it’s all good, i’ll pay
tumblr user: CAN *gif* WE *gif* JUST *gif* TALK *gif* ABOUT *gif* THIS *gif* FOR *gif* A *gif* MOMENT *gif* *gif *gif*
i don’t *gif* understand *gif* your accent *gif *gif*
when everybody in yo squad talkin and the teacher call you out
time to watch anime to fill the void in my life